Relationships

Infidelity as a Couple, A Matter of Two

Img source: freepik.com
Written by Quentin Hack

To forgive or not to forgive? That is the question.

Before we start to destroy our relationship, it is essential to think about the reasons why we have been cheated on (or have cheated). The feelings at such moments are often very powerful. Anger, rage, rejection, revenge, betrayal, jealousy… But it doesn’t have to be so painful. It is important, in these cases, to try objectively to see what has happened and from there to make a decision.

Is there something wrong between us?

Finding out that your partner has cheated is the ultimate betrayal – at least that’s what they say. You’re likely to feel angry, shocked and understandably hurt. Regardless of whether you are caught in the act, or whether you decide to come clean and confess. Is there a good way to find out about these things? What happens next? Does an affair really have to be the end? Apparently not.

While you may feel embarrassed or nervous about considering staying with someone who has cheated, the escorts in Skokka and the relationship experts say that infidelity doesn’t mean you should leave the relationship – in fact, it can be a positive thing.

Img source: freepik.com

Why do we cheat?

Before starting to destroy our relationship, it is essential to think about the reasons why we have been cheated on (or have cheated). It is true that mainly men are more likely to cheat on their partners, studies show that foreigners in business trips are the first ones to look for a casual date, which means that business trips can increase the probability of cheating.

However, experiencing an act of what one considers infidelity within the confines of a committed relationship is, without a doubt, a somewhat traumatic personal event.

What makes us unfaithful?

Infidelity has been defined in many ways and encompasses a range of activities, including having an affair, an extramarital affair, cheating, sexual intercourse, oral sex, kissing, fondling, emotional connections beyond friendships or internet relationships, among others, and has been defined solely as engaging in romantic relationships outside of the committed relationship, resulting in a sense of relational betrayal.

When it comes to infidelity, everyone has a different opinion. Just the thought of a partner being intimate with another person can cause very powerful feelings. Some people enjoy provoking their partner, or, in some way, putting them to the test. There are even popular television programmes in some countries that focus on this.

Img source: freepik.com

There are several studies that distinguish between two types of infidelity: emotional and sexual.

Sexual infidelity is considered to be having sex with someone other than a partner, while emotional infidelity is considered to be “falling in love” or sharing a deep emotional bond with someone other than a partner. To be honest, there is no universal definition of infidelity, and it has been shown that there are no acceptable or unacceptable guidelines for defining infidelity or those behaviours that fall into this category.

Today there are as many different preferences as there are types of people. There are those who enjoy watching their partner enjoy a sexual experience with others. While they only observe or interact minimally. Others, on the other hand, firmly believe in other ways of relating, beyond the typical ones. These include free love or open relationships where the concept of “betrayal”, “jealousy” or “cheating” takes on a completely different definition.

The first, free love, refers to the ability to be able to love and create deep emotional bonds with more than one person at the same time, while the second, open relationships, refers to maintaining a relationship in which there is a strong bond but sexual relations with other people. A question of self-confidence? Are feelings and physical attraction inseparable?

Img source: freepik.com

Are there any benefits?

It is difficult to accept infidelity and we all know that it will not be a happy beginning, but even though it may not seem like it, infidelities are nothing more than miscommunications between partners and probably have more to do with internal problems than with the specific lover. They are something that can be sometimes easily sorted out and avoided had there been a better communication in the relationship to begin with.

You can take advantage of what you have learned, strengthen the relationship by setting more robust and solid goals and, step by step, make progress towards a relationship that is even more powerful than before the infidelity. After the crisis, an unappealable benefit can be drawn, knowing why this kind of circumstance happened and not condemning it is a couple’s work that pays off in the long run.

To conclude, it is important to emphasise a phrase from the therapist Esther Perel: “Nowadays we have a romantic vision of love based on finding that one person who will become your inseparable better half. We look for things in this romantic love that we used to look for in religion”.

Img source: freepik.com

In TV series and films the focus is on the process of falling in love with the other half, but what happens after that? Is there such a thing as a perfect relationship without jealousy or arguments?

Unfortunately, there is no recipe or steps to achieve an ideal partner or relationship. Because for each person, the definition of perfect is different. Therefore, several things are important so that a possible infidelity or betrayal does not destroy the bond. Firstly, good communication and space to be able to say what you think and feel freely. But other things are also necessary, such as trust (in oneself and in the other person), attraction (physical and emotional) and understanding.

But be careful, do it all without giving up being yourself and having clear limits. Because why be with someone if you can’t really be yourself? Get to know each other and find out what you really want, be honest and avoid hurting another person or even yourself. Make things clear from the beginning to avoid misunderstandings. So that everyone is the protagonist of their own film or series of love and happiness.

About the author

Quentin Hack